Closure

Closure.

I hate that word. It is like that gate on the left, pourous and misunderstood. Even if you lock it shut things you don't want can get inside. What the hell does closure even mean? That, after bad things have been done, something miraculous happens and you have . . . Closure? Bull. The bad thing is still there. How can it not be? I've been hearing the word closure for years now on television. When a rapist/killing sonofabitch is caught, the odd are, that if he just says certain things, or tells them where the little girl's body is, or say I'm sorry, or whatever the hell these people want him to do, they can have closure. I . . . just . . . do . . . not . . . believe . . . that! It is simple political b.s. to the nth and back again, it does not mean anything. The only thing that would come close to having closure after your child has been raped and killed is to watch the bastard take the needle, or the chair, or better yet stoned to death like the Muslims do adulterers. THAT would be the closest you'd ever come to closure.

I could write ten books about what happened in those days that left my children without their father, and I don't think it would come close to putting closure on what they feel. They might understand things they didn't. They might hear things which went against things they have heard before about me. They might have a thousand thoughts about the book, but closure? I think not. My writing lately has been lackluster and tepid, because my heart isn't in it, because I am having these feelings that it doesn't matter.

Except for one thing.

Patricia said she wanted to read it. Ah, hell, I think I'm just on the potty pot these days. I think I needed to write this. Maybe it'll help me clear the air . . .

I DO understand that I need to write this book and it will be written. I think right now it is the fear factor that allows me to become stymied and stalled out. I'm not worried about it. I think it's natural. So, after saying that, Chapter 6 will be completed today. The original Chapter 6 will be shelved, because it is out of sync, it belongs in the chapter after Chapter 6. I'm getting out of here, I'm feeling weird about everything and don't know why. Yes I do. I am finally doing what I always wanted to do and it is scaring the crap outta me . . . Later . . .

MY NOVELS:

Write To Murder . . . http://www.lulu.com/content/956621

Margaret and David: A Love Story . . . http://www.lulu.com/content/1072842

My Mother's Revenge . . . http://www.lulu.com/content/1132742