Rainy Doctor Day

It is raining like hell today and has been since early morning. Well, not continuously, but off and on. My wife and I have a doctor's appointment this afternoon, maybe it will slack up some by then.

Days like today, when I know I have things pending, i.e., a doctor's appointment, or whatever, I find it very difficult to write, especially when the writing involves some very deep, or at least concentrated thinking. I find my thoughts easing away from what I am supposed to be doing and into what is going to happen in a few hours from now. So! Today will be a malingering day, I am afraid. I must have been somewhat delirious when I made myself a promise to get a chapter a day. That's stupid. I'm stupid. Easy for me to say.

I am wondering how, when the book is finally done and published will I feel about it. I am sure that I will feel good if Paula, Patricia and Nick will take the book and find something inside of it which will comfort them and maybe soothe over old worries and downright angers. That is a given that I will feel pleased about that. But what if they don't have that reaction? What if they decide, from my own words, that I am a whining, no-good-for-nothing bum? That could happen very easily I am afraid. Will these thousands of words I will write mean anything in the end? And what about me? Never mind the kids and their reaction, what will I feel after it is all "out there?" There is only three people whose reaction to the book I value and by now, those three people should be apparent.

Still, after the book is close to being published, what will I be thinking? A job well done? Not enough attention to this? Or to that? Too little much said about . . . Have I done the very best job I could have done? Is this really what I want to world to see? Do I really want the world to see my scabs and scars and all of my Misdemeanors & Felonies? Although the only three people I care about how they take the book is my kids, still I know other people will read it. Human nature being what it is, will I care what they think? Yes, I think I will, but I don't believe it will devastate me if they have not-so-nice things to say about it.

Regardless, the book is slowly taking shape. Misdemeanors & Felonies will be finished if I can live long enough . . . Actually, I find myself getting into a hurry. Wouldn't it be a nice (hopefully) Christmas present for Paula, Patricia and Nick? I hope that it would . . . Tomorrow . . .

NOVELS:

Write To Murder . . . http://www.lulu.com/content/956621

Margaret and David: A Love Story . . . http://www.lulu.com/content/1072842

My Mother's Revenge . . . http://www.lulu.com/content/1132742