Do you ever get the feeling that you are rolling manure up a steep hill, all the time praying you don't stumble and let it all slide back on top of you? No? You haven't? Well, that is how I feel in regards to my sputtering attempt at writing Misdemeanors & Felonies. I really get weary of complaining all the time about the project, but I have come to understand that this blog/diary/whatever is just for that; the mulling over different problems within the structure of the writing . . . Or lack of writing.I didn't attempt to write one single word yesterday. I think that is wise. Misdemeanors & Felonies seems to be a book that is going to take more time and more thought than anything I have attempted to date. You really wouldn't think that would be the case, would you? As I have mentioned before, the story is already been told by the mere fact that I have lived it. It is, after all, the story of my life, so what's the big deal about writing it? Not exactly sure, I'll leave that question for the shrinks among us to ponder and mull. But I do believe that it all has to do with the integrity of what I am writing as opposed to just the mechanics of the actual writing of it.
I will be on Chapter 6 today though. It will be mostly about the awakening of sex as something which drives me and everyone else almost throughout our lives, especially during our young years of self-discovery. It will involve a "hideout," and friend and neighbor Charles, and another neighbor by the name of Libby. The discovery of girls is a wondrous event in a young boys life, albeit not without puzzlement which will last until death claims us. That the female of the species is so . . . aggravatingly different from us is the same reason that we go to great lengths to conquer and control (hahaha!) them. This line of thinking causes me to recall an old saying I have heard . . . Man chases woman until she catches him. It doesn't get much plainer than that . . . So! Chapter 6 will be the first chapter to deal with the sexual side of moi, but definitely not the last one. To say that I have been driven to extremes by my sexual nature would be an understatement. Chapter 6 will involve other friends of the very young Jerry Pat by the name of Loel and Noel Dobson (yes, they were twins).
I feel good about this upcoming chapter, not at all leery of it as I have been in the preceding ones. I don't exactly know why that is. Is my feeling of inadequacy's concerning this book and my ability to write it ebbing? I sure as hell hope so. I never thought I would turn out to be such a weenie when the day finally arrived for me to put down, for the record, my life. But I have turned out to be that weenie, I'm afraid. It's that is it so damn personal and I know I am going to have to put things in the book that is going to make me uneasy. I'm not ashamed of what I have done, although I am mortified about some of them. But shame doesn't enter into the equation, because what has happened is over and like another famous saying goes, . . . The Moving Finger writes; and, having writ, / Moves on: nor all your Piety nor Wit / Shall lure it back to cancel half a Line, / Nor all your Tears wash out a Word of it -- Omar Khayyam. So shame doesn't have a place in the retelling of what happened. Remorse? Yes. I am so very remorseful of some of my deeds and misdeeds, so much soo that it will not be a good day when I finally get around to chiseling them out of my soul and writing them down.
Anyway, I look forward to having a good day, never mind all my rambling about remorse and shame, etc., and I need to get to it . . . Later . . .
MY NOVELS:
Write To Murder . . . http://www.lulu.com/content/956621
Margaret and David: A Love Story . . . http://www.lulu.com/content/1072842
My Mother's Revenge . . . http://www.lulu.com/content/1132742
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