Misdemeanors & Felonies . . .

Yesterday, September 6, 2007 I began writing my fictionalized autobiography. I have named it Misdemeanors & Felonies because I spent much of my life in the muck and mire of said misdemeanors and felonies. In the writing of my story I will attempt to honestly deal with my shortcomings, my loves, and the fact that I wallowed for too many years in the stench of self-love to the determent of others, some who cared deeply for me and who I shunned as I continuously chased after the elusive, nay, non-existence of Jerry Pat Bolton . . . Because the Jerry Pat Bolton I thought I was chasing was not a real and viable person . . . I did, in effect, chase something (myself) all those years not realizing that my frantic chase for a Utopian and glorious me, that I was actually running away from who I was.

While I was chasing the fading rainbow of myself I was also causing a lot of heartache to a lot of people who came into contact with me and some who found themselves in love with me. Or at least in love with the persona I was playing out at that time. Due to the physical attraction to the opposite sex, I fathered children. It is these children I let down the most. It is to these children I feel a need to at least try and give them some idea of who their father is, and more to the point who I was "back then."

Am I going to try to whitewash my sins of misdemeanors and felonies so they might feel some compassion toward me? No, I am not. I am going to attempt, with the best of my ability, to tell it like it was and hope it will at least give them some of the answers they have built up through the years. When the book is finished and read, there may be some discrepancies between what I say and accounts handed down to them by others. I shan't try to argue pro or con concerning these different accounts of the same event. Maybe I won't even be asked to, because as I said, I will NOT whitewash my misdemeanors and felonies. Will Misdemeanors & Felonies be a book of chastisement of moi? Not completely, only when it is necessary. Not many people are completely bad or rotten or mean-hearted, but most of us have those traits and some of us act them out more than others. Still . . . I know that I am basically not a bad person, although I have done bad things . . . We grow . . . We learn . . .

Writing this is going to be difficult. I will have to go about in in a way I have never used before because of the very nature of the book. First thing is to make me an outline. I hate outlines when it comes to writing, but in this case it has to happen, because of the biography style of writing it will be. I have to know when such and such happened and who, what, and where it happened . . . So it is going to be hard to do. I have no idea how long it is going to take, I only hope I can stay in good enough health to get it done. I'm a fast writer, usually, so I don't think it will take too long . . . It all depends on my mental state as I recreate situations I have long tried to push out of my thoughts . . . Yesterday was the first day in the creation of this, my feeble attempt at settling up a debt my children deserve to hear, whether they will want to hear my voice in this matter or not, it must be done . . .